the breakup

looking back as much as I miss him from time to time being without him hasn’t been so bad. I did finally reunite with my intellivision and plug it into an lcd tv just to prove it could be done

white guys

things parents don’t get with children. when an adult children says they’re done with things they’re done.  Last Saturday told mom I was done dating my race and I’m not attracted to Hindus or middle easterners. I told her I date well hung black men. Of course mom being mom brushed it off and then said keep an open mind. yeah no. black men are more respectful caring and smarter than whites. oh and less chance of an unwanted dick pic. pro tip blacks do it better

last night I thought I met the most physically perfect guy long hair beard a dream boat. I told him I don’t want to gain anymore weight my back is killing me and I kind of like being able to go to shops and such on my own. fuck me right? more and more I think I let perfection go and I hate it. I wish doc brown and his Flux capacitor enabled delorean wasn’t just Hollywood movie magic. I guess to guys I’m not more then just one part. I’m just a set of tits. or how every guy views those kardashian sluts. today I think I’ll try to unlock daffy duck as the green loontern. daffy donald and Howard the world’s greatest quackers.

life

up until a week before my 36 birthday I thought my life for the most part was perfection. I had a guy I’d die for loved to pieces though bad at showing it. then  we had a semi public facebook fight combined with no money for me to even get a green card application looked at. fast forward I survived what was a lonely Christmas by using what was travel money for a wii u with mario kart which is fun but it really is a two person plus game. rejoined my old dating sites and thought I found my dream boat in a guy named A, I want to get to know him outside of sex. there’s a laugh. the other guy that wants me I’m not really attracted to. I lied to few guys about going for pizza (we all do it fake it till you make it like a kardashian) I admit I had no plans to go. the one guy I did go out for lunch with was too god loving and I hate organized religion with a passion it’s done nothing but tell decent people they’re trash when they’re perfectly fine. there was a brief period where I missed the ex his compassion his loyality his patience his sense of humour our ability to have fun doing whatever. everyone says I’m better off especially with how he dumped me through a status change and a video. I’m sure they’re right I feel they’re not. he was at one time my “soul mate” the chemistry, even the way he was good with me being an aspie and treating my plush pokemon like they’re real. he was perfection and destruction in one package. the angel and the devil. it was heaven when I didn’t know what heaven was. I miss it. I tell the world I’m coping if only so they won’t worry I don’t want them to I’m a small silver in the pie that is there exsistance. I know they’ll argue with me I can understand but it’s the way I am. I’m detached from emotional involvement forever. I need men but for sex love is nothing to me. will I change back? I don’t know. What I told A on new years about wanting to get him to know him was true. Alcohol only lowers the armor of people in some cases. A I do want to get to know, doubt it’ll happen though.